An Update & An Apology

Hey, all! It’s been a long time since I’ve made a post, and I’m sorry for that. Life has been crazy recently–and by that I mean nonstop, unfortunate, and exhausting.

I have nothing but high hopes for the future, but recently life has been rough. A couple months ago my cat Suri got really sick. We took her to the emergency vet where she stayed overnight and then we proceeded to give her 4 different medications and fluids every day for the next two weeks. She had some nights where she seemed to begin to feel better, but it was always right after she received fluids or fever reducers, so her relief was short-term.

On the night we first took her to the emergency vet, they tested her for the routine immunosuppressant diseases: FELV and FIV. She tested negative for FELV, but positive for FIV. I was so confused; how did this happen? Suri and George had both been tested when we first got them and they’re both inside cats. Regardless, she tested positive. At first I wasn’t too worried about her prognosis! I had read a bunch of stories online about how FIV didn’t have to be scary and many infected cats live long, easy lives. While I appreciate how that might be true for most cats, it gave me the false expectation that Suri would improve.

Suri did not get better. After about a week and a half, she was lethargic, hot, bloated, had an eye infection, and then also developed respiratory issues. She was obviously in pain and struggling to even sleep comfortably. Finally, after 2 weeks of desperation, my vet suggested that it was time to make a difficult decision. I asked if she could spend one more night with us, and the vet firmly and gently told me that it would be cruel to ask Suri to keep trying. So on that afternoon, Suri passed away.

We found out during this process that Geroge was, in fact, not negative for FIV when we first brought him home. When my partner adopted him, George was a freshly neutered 3-year-old tomcat. My partner took our orange boy to the vet, and when I asked him if everything looked healthy, he informed me that George was all good. Neither one of us knew that the vet did not run an FIV test. Having worked with animals for so long, I thought testing for FELV and FIV was the standard when a cat like George is first brought home. It never occurred to me that this test may not have been run.

The resulting guilt is crushing. I should have thoroughly checked George’s vet records, or I should have gone with my partner on that first vet visit. If we knew that he was positive, we never would have brought a healthy kitten home. Her death was unnecessary and I will be making up for it for the rest of my life.

Also during these last couple months, I’ve really jumped into that new job! I am a customer service representative for a book-making company that brings children’s writing to life. It’s an awesome company, but I started right at the beginning of the busy season. For the last two months we have been working 50-60 hour weeks with angry customers, and it is draining. It’s incredible how much crueler even the best people can be from behind a screen.

In positive news, I did manage to finish the two undergraduate English courses I took this Spring 2025 semester. When I started this job I was worried I might have to drop one of them, but I made it through! I am still incredibly excited to start the MFA this fall, but appreciate the break this summer will bring.

Between the classwork, mandatory overtime, Suri’s sickness, and other life happenings, there has been next to no time to write. Any free time I had was spent sleeping or preparing to sleep. Now I’m sitting in my favorite coffee shop, typing a blog post after taking my dog to play with a frisbee and explore a creek. It’s nice enough to wear shorts, and I can feel the sunlight coaxing my passion for life back up to the surface. I think of Suri every part of every day, and I hope she knows that I love her. It’s been a rough couple of months, but I only have hope for the future.